Truth of the matter

My anxiety is through the roof, its been non stop all week.

I'm totally wrecked, constantly thinking about  what's already transpired, what needs to still unfold and what's been discovered by me.
I don't think some people really fathom what their incorrect assumptions have actually done to the person your nasty assumptions are about..
I'll be absolutely fucked if I'll allow another asshole attempt to berate me and claim I'm so selfish or I'm ruined and refuse to accept my blame in my bad decisions that have brought about life ruining events for me.
I've gotten on with trying to rectify what's already transpired. Without Bothering to request any assistance from anyone now. My head isn't up my ass I'm not crying and looking for pity if I hadn't made the decision to help out putrid people, my circumstance would be entirely different now.
But after failing to allow any nasty person to win now after ,34 years of making sure that they never win and I actually succeeded with quitting because it hurts too much.

I accept that some people will never accept that I have changed my entire life since becoming a mummy. That I'm no longer self medicate like certain others I know.
Yes before 2013 I did. But I made a massive decision to change, as my daughter deserves the very best of me and until then she wasn't due to the stresses I was experiencing after she was born, I lost my fiancé, lost my dad after putting my entire life on hold to make sure he beat chargers of indecent treatment of a child 8-16 ×7 and rape ×3. Not to mention trying not to allow that putrid money hungry lying mutt to take his house, savings and super too.
All my effort didn't change the jury finding him guilty on all 7 charges and beat the rape.
November 2013 and my dad was gone too. I've done His jail sentence along side him, I haven't told him much but I've been homeless 3 times since he left, or that people in Sydney are totally fucked up now days.
Left out William his disgraceful actions that ruined me for a while.
Or his disgraceful abuse towards me over 3 years.
But now his eligible for parole and is still in prison, I've given him a few truths and told him I need him here to help me beat DOCS and get mia back. Time will tell.
Coby my only constant since this began but his not innocent in making sure I suffered a little for him being the only one around helping me.

I wish I'd lost my daughter due to drugs and alcohol it would be easier to accept what's occurring in court currently.
I've seen crack whores lose their babies and their only care is when the crack pipe would be filled.
Gross behavior, but my situations different totally. I've been fighting these cunts since April 2012.
For supporting my father who was meant to be innocent until proven guilty.
Then allegedly because I'm still an alcoholic and I've helped out drug addict's who shit all over me.
Reading information provided by my mother, Coby, his mother and numerous spiteful cunts which paint's me In a rather horrible light and not to mention incorrect totally.
And when asked why no one wants to answer my request's of why say that and still talk to me?
Without telling me off? Or giving me your worried!
Nope not to me, go and belittle me to DOCS, without a second thought but if you'd bothered to remain in my life since I moved back to NSW and actually need your help!
But I'm totally OK with you having such incorrect and horrible in your opinion of me.
I no longer feel the need to justify myself to you. You are always going to think of me in a bad way and its not my problem and I've accepted that now, if people who know me for moments can form horrible opinions due to their shitty behaviour, I've got no hope with any of you that have had the chance to know me for 34 years.
And I have hurt myself constantly hating myself for your issues with me, its now taken me to lose my life Mia and everything else too, to finally accept that it's no longer my problem I have forgiven myself and I can look in the mirror and not loathe the reflection.

I no longer have the capacity to make your incorrect opinions of me my problem. No longer care what your in founded bullshit is hate me like I could care less anymore.
My opinion and the facts I'll keep to myself, it doesn't help anyone now but should I ever do what you've inflicted on me, it will be truthful. You'd all lose mia.
Your all worse than me with alcohol and drug habit's like a thousand times worse but nope my lips remain sealed, my judgement of your choices not your worry. Why make it any worse.
But for Ann, brandon, and William that isn't the case I will ruin all 3 of you disgusting putrid oxygen thieves, why easy because I had your best intentions at heart, genuinely wanted to help you and the treatment of me as a result of me waking the fuck up and realising that you were using me for your gain and losing what I have as a result is out right fucking unacceptable.
Every action has a reaction. When and what I do I'm not sure of yet but you'll know when I do cunts